"The thing I learned after my husband died is to never waste an erection."

She went on to explain that after he had passed, she had memories pop up of all the times her husband had reached for her physically and she said “not now,” deflected, stayed busy, made excuses, postponed intimacy for later. And how she wished she would have turned toward him for play, connection, intimacy, pleasure, for tenderness, for the sacred and ridiculous miracle of being wanted by someone who loves you while both of you are still alive enough to touch each other. 🍆Am I suggesting women should numb out and have sex they hate? No. 🍆Am I suggesting men should be able to expose their erection to their woman and demand action? Be so for real (unless you're into that 😈) 🍆Am I suggesting that a man's erection is his woman's responsibility? More like...invitation 😈 🍆Am I suggesting that a man's libido is woefully misunderstood by most women. Pretty much. 🍆Am I suggesting that when you enter into a physically intimate relationship with a man, part of that consent is maintaining a healthy and holistic relationship with both yours AND his sexuality? YUP. 🍆Am I suggesting that men also have the responsibility of understanding his wife's arousal patterns in order to most effectively foster happy sex? YUP. 🍆Am I suggesting that all us humans have the opportunity to delve into the depth and breadth and texture and bliss and blessings of deep, sacred, transmutational sex? ABSOLUTELY Trust me, I get it. There was a time in my life where an erection in the same room as me would register as a threat in my nervous system. The painful patterns were real. I learned to relate to a man's arousal just like so many other women: through pressure, objectification, obligation, fear, performance, or nervous-system threat. On the other side of healing my own nervous system dysfunction, a man’s desire is most often an invitation toward connection long before it is merely a request for orgasm. Touch me. Come closer. Laugh with me. Play with me. Obey me. Choose me. Turn toward me. Stay here with me for a little while. When you deeply love someone, maintaining a living relationship with each other’s erotic nature matters - in my world it is one of the things that matter the most. It is the mutual stewardship of one another's aliveness. To disappear for a moment inside love, sensation, breath, skin, presence is for many people, one of the closest things to God they will ever touch in this life. Sex is holy, when we make it so. Sex is healing, when we make it so. Sex is transcendent, when we make it so. Sex is a reclamation, when we make it so. Sex is binding, when we make it so. The unbearable beauty of being desired by someone in love with you in the fleeting gift of this mortal body. To be touched. To be chosen. To answer the invitation. To turn toward one another again and again while breath is still in both of you. God, what a thing.